1) We are talking about not one but two breakups
2) This is a man who knows where his priorities lie, and they are squarely with his Xbox.
3) You're really that bad.
4) Before texting "Jared" to confirm your philandering later on that evening, you better check that you didn't accidentally send it to your boyfriend, not if you want to stay with him at least.
5) If they didn't break up after this exchange, consider us shocked. FYI, the '...what?' defense only works when she does not have exactly what you said in text right in front of her face.
6) I'm not 15 and would never break up with you over text. But I do have the upper body of a 15 year old BEFORE he started football workouts, which is sad.
7) If you are going to break up over text, you better make it witty. The person is going to think you are a complete asshole for ending it in such a childish way, so be as immature as possible right?
8) When life punches you in the face with an unexpected child, you've got to get creative. Some people just don't have much of an imagination.
9) What a response to a wrong number! This guy should be in some kind of Hall of Fame.
10) You better run now dude, because this chick is not letting you go. Stalker status.
11) If you laugh when Mufasa dies, you are one cold mother lover. You just can't trust someone like that, it's a deal breaker.
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